Gym

I cannot go work out till after 11 pm , I work till 11 and so when I get there it is usually just me and cameras watching me. Keep in mind I have never had any gym membership. The last time I worked with weights was high school 20-25 ok 30 years ago. I walked into the gym and I have never seen these machines ,hell I was looking to see where the oil went. These things are complex as hell and scary looking to boot.So I figured that I could get on the bike no problem, yea right big problem. The seat hurts like hell.No way of comfort. If I am going to ride 5-10 miles it better be fit for the ride. It has ear phones but a seat made of man killing iron. When you get to an older age things drop a littler further than ya may expect.When I felt a breeze , I realized one of the boys had fell out. I reached down to pop him back in they both fell out the other side.The peddles have straps , you just can't stop on a dime, so your feet are stuck and you just go for the ride till it stops.My "boys" were out in the wind,I was trying to push em back in ,stuck to peddles every revolution causing severe pain crushing them between my leg and the bike seat. I attempted a dismount but hung in a peddle and was like a bronc rider or a bull rider stuck along for the ride. Thank gawd it thru me before it twisted my leg into a pretzle.
So I moved on to the next machine, the Treadmill, looked unalarming, seen people using them on t.v. Harmless ,,when I came too I was lying over near the bike.Last thing I remember I thought "this too slow" I guess holding down the button did me in. Apparently I flew several feet before rolling to a stop barely missing the weights. I learned that these machines have handles for a reason. I starting reading the directions too. I got upon the leg press fits down at your ankles hold handles and push up.I should have wiped off what sweat was on me.I ended up stuck between the press and the seat.According to the directions this was the incorrect way. It took me quite awhile to remove myself from this machine.My pulse rate was way up and according to the treadmill before it threw me I had burned calories,I guess thats what happens when a fat guys tries to run 100 miles an hour even for that short amount of time. I keep watching youtube praying my workout does not show up. I have since gotten better,I found wearing a jockstrap really helps and walk dont run on the treadmill till you become aquainted. The owners I am guessing caught my show and have given me a sheet of do's and dont's. I recently purchased the biggest loser exercise dvd. Don't try this on carpet,they should say this dont try on carpet. I did the splits,with 20 lbs of weight in my hands!The neighbors called the police claiming they heard a little girl scream bloody murder . Thank gawd they showed up,I would still be stuck in that awkward position and I didnt have my jock on. Yall be careful

Wetwilly