Very Superstitious

               Oh no where is my Dallas Cowboys Witten jersey, ok, ok I'll just wear my Aikmen jersey, oh no where is it ? Blue and silver socks check. Dallas Cowboys TY Beanie Ballz collection beanie ball check, Cowboys cup filled with ice tea check. Where are my jersey's? Dryer ? yea that's it the dryer. That can't be it we don't own a dryer. Washing machine yea, nope don't own one of those either. There it is, its in the dirty clothes hamper take a whiff ..... there's something dead in here. Omg they are both dirty stinky, I don't have time for this. I don't have time to rush them down to the laundry plus its Sunday every mother lover will be there washing their unmentionables and I don't want Aikmen or Witten going round and round in the same bucket that some stinky butt has washed them thong underroos. Hand wash Aikman that's it, and I'll blow dry it. Where's my shorts, my comfy football watching roomy stretch shorts? Oh God no I'll wash them too. What is that smell?
                My back is killing me, that was not easy washing my clothes. Where is the blow dryer? Oh no we don't own one of those either. Its ok I'll hang them outside to dry. Notice my neighbor looking on to see what's up. What is she looking at? I wave at her and turn to look make sure she was looking at me, yep nothing in the sky. Except for my bright yellow Family Guy Stewie underwear. Oh lord please don't call the law. Oh well get some snacks ready, chips check, dip check. Fill cup Check. Time to check clothes. Where's my clothes? What the hell? Run down the stairs, did they blow away? I don't see them, wait those kids running they have my clothes !
                   Thank goodness the police! " Those kids there, they stole my clothes , my Dallas cowboys jersey, and I need it to help my team win." At this moment I realize how crazy I must seem.
Explaining to the law how I needed my jersey to help my team win in my bright yellow Stewie underwear. "What position do you play, tight end?" Things suddenly turned worse for me, "No its my quarterback jersey". Now it seems I'll be watching the game in general lock up with nothing but my Stewie underwear on sitting next to some guy named Odell who is a Packers fan.


What is that smell ?

FEAR

 Fear's a funny thing. Most folk's can tell you exactly what scares them or what they have a fear of. Some big ole boys won't admit to having a fear at all. They are full of crap. I stay clear of snakes best I can. When I do encounter a snake I sweat , pee a little, expel nervous gas. Then run. And not always in that order. On one hunting trip my buddy yelled " SNAKE !" Little did I know by the time I finished jumping, jerking, and running, I had stomped on the rattlesnakes head multiple times killing him without even knowing it.
 I lived in south Alabama for a little bit. My Uncle owned a maintenance company which built pipelines and maintained several gas and oil plants. On this occasion we were excited to catch a shutdown at a gas plant in Saraland, Alabama. This company had a tragedy a few weeks prior to us being there where a few people were killed in an explosion. We were there to repair and rebuild the problem area. Needless to say the rest of the employees were on pins and needles. Any little boom, eyes scanned the area, heads lifted from behind computers and telephones rang.
 We "our crew" were waiting on word of when we were to begin orientation. We had been waiting in the South Alabama swamp humidity for a couple of hours. Some were getting ansy.  I noticed some jumbo black grasshoppers running and hopping around, these things were huge ! I grabbed one up and it was the width of my hand long, and big around as my thumb. I was amazed. My cousin was the foreman on this job, it was his first time to be so. I showed him the grasshopper and let him know that this was good bait and we should get a bunch of them for later. He grabbed that grasshopper turned and showed it to a guy on the crew who at one time was the fastest running back in Alabama.
 I didn't know that he had a fear of them, but evidently Jeff did. When he laid eyes on that thing, he must have thought that Jeff was going to throw it on him ( which he had done prior). He took off in a dead sprint. No not behind a truck, no he didn't knock it out of his hand, no he didn't jump. He ran and he ran right in front of the management offices which set right smack dab in the middle of this very volatile caustic gas plant, lined with windows all around so as folks could read meters and such.
 It resembled a parade of sorts, as these folks poured out of the offices. They were in perfect formation running for their lives until the feller in the wheel chair shot out of the door. He ran over a couple of the slower ones, culling out the line as he scooted along. A lady had her high heels in hand hurdling the ones who fell prey to the wheel chair. A heavy set feller screamed out for them to save their selves, he would stay behind and go down with the ship. But then even he succumbed to the fear and took off in a rumbling stumbling matter of fact pace. It was hard to watch as he tried his hand at hurdling the downed ones. The pile grew as he crunched on top.
 I turned to look at my cousin, he was pail white . I think we all knew at that moment that Jeff had met his demise as a foreman. After the management team had their way with us, we did in fact get to stay and work. I wondered what happened to the wheel chair bound feller so I asked since I hadn't seen him. Turned out he became national riding lawnmower racing champion and wheel chair dodge ball champion.
 As most of you know , I chase ghost around. We have all kinds of equipment we use to investigate sightings. I have no fear of meeting up with a ghost as long as they have no fear of me.
 Things can get scary at times and as a whole amateurs are scared of what they may see. On this occasion we were in an old warehouse in downtown Austin. The building was old dusty and full of holes. I was taking a tour of 10 into the warehouse. I explained to please keep quiet. No screaming ! No fingernails in my back or neck. We made our way thru the warehouse. There were some noises. A few creeks and snaps. Then a curtain blew up from the wind outside.
 I turned to explain what had happened. There was not a soul to be found behind me. I guess that curtain blowing up was more than they could stand. There was something wet on the floor and I thought I smelled the aftermath of a nasty poot.
 I made my way back outside, I asked where everyone went. All at the same time asked if I saw the curtain move. Of course I did ! One of the guys who was with us gave me a rundown at what happened behind me. When the curtain moved one of the girls opened her mouth to scream, he placed his hand over her mouth, she in turn bit down on his hand. He peed a little, and stepped on another girls sandaled foot ,she tried to scream he covered her mouth with open hand, she bit down and he crapped his pants. they were so quiet during all this, I never heard a thing.
 So just goes to show you fear is very real. And works in weird ways.
 And oh by the way when the curtain moved I knew a bay door was open. What I didn't know is it had been shut a few minutes before we went in. Wish I had it on video ! But it would have scared you lol !

Yall be good tell em Wetwilly sent ya

Paranormal Willy and A Conversation with a Ghost

Hey y'all been a bit since I have caught up with ya , I have been busy moving and this and that , well mostly that . I have been however doing a bit of writing scrambleing to write down the rambleings in my mind and this is one of them. This is all fiction. I have had some really great encounters. I was scratched up in an investigation in Seguin Texas or burnt not sure what it was. I didnt feel it but I was investigating with police officers and true professionals and a Police Chaplin a friend of mine watched it form on my arm and told me about it. He in fact was scratched up too. I wrote this for your pleasure and hope you enjoy. I am one of those people , that if you told me not to touch that red button over there, I would go touch it. I know it sounds bad and after this weekend, I may have been broken of that habit. I was asked to join a group to an investigation in central Texas to an old school house. This was a truly beautiful spot surrounded in white oak trees and mesquites old ones and as big as I have ever seen. The wild life was crazy , every turn you either saw deer, squirrel, armadillo, everywhere. Otherwise it was very quiet. On the back side of the school was the old community cemetary. This was all out 13 miles from the nearest town and that town was very small. The group of paranormal investigators, were quite a lively group, wide eyed and in experianced, this is actually what drew me to them. David a phd was with us he was a skeptic who really wanted to see to believe. Two female wanna be's, Sara and Luna and a couple of tech heads, Rowdy and Andrew with all the electronic whiz training, all the same they were gun ho as I ever seen. Yes they watched plenty of t.v. People as much as I enjoy watching the t.v. programs, ghost hunting in true reality is long and exremely boring. After the initial hunt , then comes the boring watching hours of video and listening to hours of tape. All you really get to see on t.v. is the stars of the program and not behind the scenes. In the old days however we didn't take all the equipment we have nowadays and thats why, we didn't have it. I was lucky to grow up with it. One of my Uncles was called everytime someone had something they thought was a haunting or just something that was scaring them or the kids. I went with him several times but as far as Mom and Dad knew we were rabbit hunting and yes we did that too. He would use dowsing rods which are either made of copper or brass or mesquite limbs. he would also use a powdery substance like gypsum or lime. He would walk into a house stopped or had the clocks removed and the people leave the house he would then herd the enity like you would a stray calf, if there was indeed an enity. One time it was just the old granny hittin the booze little to often. That however is another story. On this particular hunt I had my usual arsenal, video cameras, digital and 35 mm cameras, voice activated recorders, thermal imageing camera, dowsing rods, K2 meters, and digital temperture gun. All of these tools are useless unless you have the experiance useing them, don't expect just to go buy all the equipment and jump head first into it. I have had years of experience and have used it extensively, and still have my moments. If there is something there I generally will catch it. We met up with the caretaker a decendent of the family that owned the property. his name was just simply SP or Espy you just never know out in these small communities. He gave us the tour of the property, we walked the old graveyard a Texas pilgram was laid to rest out there one of the original Texicans who served with Davy Crockett in Tennesse and battled for the independence of Texas a true hero. Some old graves marked with nothing more than a piece of granite rock. If those trees could talk, man the stories they could tell. We made or way to the school house, which was in great condition for it's age. It is a small two room school with a small bunker underneath which was built in case of indian attack to protect children and teacher. Sp told us that the bunker door was stuck and hasn't been open in several years. According to the story the building settled some years back and had been restored. When all this took place the door to the bunker jammed and hasn't been open since. He then added that he would ask us not to try the bunker door as he was unsure what would happen and didn't want us injured. Well like I said If I was asked not to touch that red button. I couldn't wait for Sp to leave so I could trot to the Bunker door. As soon as he left I grabbed my tools and headed straight for it. And as he said it was jammed I tugged and pulled but I am not stupid. I didn't want any of us hurt so I gave up on the bunker. We began our all night investigation after setting up all equipment putting together a table of snacks and drinks and the techies set up thier computers and listening devises and motion detectors. I was very impressed with thier toys, they had several thousand dollars worth of equipment and it was all very cool. Recorders so sensitive that you could here a nat in the next county. Our command center was set up in the techies trailer it was all very cool. The girls headed in first with recorders and digital cameras all was going well until one of the girls jumped I called over a walkie talkie and asked what happened. She explained that she felt as though someone ran fingers through her hair. We began to look around trying to debunk this. But there was no wind at all also there was no type of obstruction that she could have walked into. We took the recorders and Rowdy downloaded the info onto his computer. The girls were asking great questions such as "what year is it ?" , " what is your name ?"," How many of you are here ?" After each question they allowed plenty of time for an answer. We heard nothing until the last question "How many are here ?" we had a class A electronic voice phenomena when a voice replied "three in the bunker" We jumped back, I don't care how many times I hear an e.v.p. it always raises the hair on the back of my neck and a chill up my spine. This was so clear and with Rowdy's equipment just made it awesome. Still Dave the skeptic was trying to debunk it, he was looking for other voice recorders. Trees rubbing the outside of the building anything. He walked into the trailer scratching his head, I asked " So Dave what do ya think ?" He replied " I guess we need to check out that bunker " " Hell yea lets check it out!" I ran to truck grabbed a crow bar and a hammer and my jack. We tried prying it up first, we could get it to move a little. But it wasn't until I grabbed the jack and placed a log between it and the wall. Dave was pulling at the door when it all of a sudden flew open and a gust of musty wind came out along with it. We looked at each other with this look of ok now its open and who goes first, of course I jumped at the chance I went in and Dave was right behind me. The door slammed shut behind us with such a force that the door was bowed. Dave turned and pushed on it, but it was jammed again. Everyone outside was pulling. I was screaming instructions out how to use the jack. We figured we would look around while they were getting it opened. I had my recorder going and had a digital camera. The bunker was bigger than I had expected it was nearly as big as the school house . You could tell that it hadn't been open. There were old crates and what appeared to be an old table. I started asking a few questions such as " who's here with us ?" David asked "are you sure you want to do that while we are locked in here ?" I asked if he was scared because " if you are, that would mean that your eyes are opening to the paranormal and we surely can't have that" in my usual smartass tone. That got me a look like kiss my ass. Or I will deal with you later. Either way I enjoyed it. I grabbed my digital camera out of my vest and began taking pictures. The flash would light up the room. After each picture we would look to see if there was anything there. Then it all changed an eerie feeling came over the room. Then suddenly on a flash a face. Dave who was over my shoulder gasp. I asked with a shakey voice "who's there ?" I could barely hear with my own ears," me", "whats your name ?"," William". I looked at Dave he was pale faced and freaked out. "Are you alright?" I asked . He looked at me with a half cocked grin. He asked " why are you here ?" And I could'nt make out the answer but there was something said I looked at Dave with a question look and he said "he asked if this was heaven?" I looked back in the corner it is pitch black dark, turned on my flashlight and a shadow appeared and haze began to form. Dave came around me and walked toward the corner when I heard " stop" Dave stopped in his tracks grabbed a crate and sat down. Then bagan our conversation with a ghost. The sounds outside the door were loud and frantic trying to get us out . I went to the door and told them to stop. There was just enough room at the bottom of the door for me to ask Rowdy to give me his recorders with the speakers so we could more clearly hear and to stop the rescue for now. Dave was still asking questions and getting answers. When Rowdy returned, I quickly grabbed the leads from under the door set up the small recorder with a small speaker which was all we could fit through the opening. I could hear Dave ask " you said you were three ?", "yes wife and son". I asked " How did you end up here?" Through the speakers we could hear "dead"." So you know your dead, when did you die and how? " " Thief and he is here" " But you said you were three" " yes ". We were exhausted, the energy being drained from us. There was a wicked feeling coming over me . As if we were being watched behind us , I felt very uneasy and asked " is there someone behind us?" " yes son...thief" It all started to make sense , Was this a murder suicide ? "Did your son kill you and your wife for money?" " Yes and I killed him". "Evil" " your son he is evil ?" "Yes" " Is he trying to harm us ?" "Yes". I looked at Dave , he wasn't well at all. I knew we had to get out of there I told Rowdy to get busy " we need out of here NOW!" I realized that the son was holding us captive he controlled the door. Dave stood up made his way to me and said he had an idea. I was shocked to see Dave reach in his coat and pull out a pistol. My first thought was this is not a good idea. He said in harsh loud voice, "Young man do not make me use this, it is time you let your parents cross over and stop holding them hostage here. Rowdy called me to the door,he said he was attaching a rope to the door to my truck and was pulling it open he passed the rope through and I weaved it back through to him. I looked back to the corner and said " I want you to know that I will help you cross over I will bring back help." I turned around to where the son was and said "If you don't let us go I will bring back a preacher and he will send you to where you belong" I heard the truck start up and with a huge WHAM the door flew open, and the girls screamed its open. I grabbed Dave and we made our way out of the door just in time for it to slam shut. I reached down and pulled the cables out attached to the microphones and speakers. Rowdy was standing there and I thanked him for getting us out." I never moved" he said. We collected the equipment and left . The next day was anxious to hear our conversation with William. I met Rowdy at his shop and we went over the recordings only to find there was nothing there. A couple of weeks passed and I wanted to go back with my friend a local chaplin to see if we could help William and his family cross over. I contacted SP and asked if I could come do another investigation. He said the school had burned to the ground a fire had started and took the school with it, a grass fire had started from someone tossing a cigarette. There were three bodies found under the school. Looked as though they had been there several years. I hope that William and his wife found peace and well for the son maybe the flames found him. The good lord works in mysterious ways. Since that time I take my friend the chaplin when I go in search of other Williams. As for Dave well he still goes with me from time to time. He is there to let me know to not be that red button guy. And I am there to let him know if he wants to bring his pistol fine by me. Just don't be shooting up the place.

What scares you ?

As most of you know I am a paranormal investigator/maintenance man.I have seen lots of things that go bump in the night. I have heard things that you just can't explain. People ask me," what is the scariest thing you have ever been involved with?" If I told you it would scare the pants off ya so for obvious reasons I won't go there. Where I will go is to the experiance I had today, it was so horrifing that it gives me chills. As I was sitting outside today with the Winnie dog I had a young child show up in diapers. She was alone barely speaking and no one looking for her,no yells no names being screamed nothing. That is true fear. She was so pretty long red hair and a diaper. No shoes, clothes,barefoot.I called the manager of the apartment. Wer walked around till we found a partly open door. We knocked and yelled no answer. My fear was growing, I had chills , hair standing up. It was all I could do to keep my composure. After and hour we finally found her keeper . A 16 year sister,getting down and dirty with her boyfriend. Not much of a babysitter or a sister as that goes. People take of our kiddos. I have heard evp's (electronic voice phenomena) of childrens voices. It's sad and it touches your heart.You feel helpless and want to help.Don't wait for a voice from the grave. Listen to those babies and spend every moment you can with them.I understand that we have to work but please leave them in capable hands. Yall be good and tell them WetWili sent ya!

F.I.A.

I don't like my shower. And here's why , step out of shower BOOM, there's the mirror . Ok reality check "is this a trick mirror like in a fun house ?" No. Oh wheres my glasses yea thats it. OH GOD takem off takem off. I really don't care for mirrors,I didn't just make that up either. I truly have not liked them fer awhile.I have not dressed in front of a mirror in years .In fact if wasnt for the obvious I wouldn't use one to shave. I can't stand another 7 years of bad luck or I would just break em when I see em. I stepped into the shower the other day and whoops slip bam.There was shampoo from one end to the other. I busted my ass. A friend of mine and his wife were here visiting and evidently she shakes her shampoo before using.The cap was loose and hair soap went flying up on on the ceiling, the wall, the shower curtian and most importantly the floor . The question I ask is simply " Why ?" I read up on the bottle and just to let you nowhere does it say shake vigorously or shake at all. Needless to say weekend plans changed. Instead of drinks and a show it was tylenol 4 and a snore. So back to my point if I could get out of my shower and see a six pack and a smile....ok that may work,6 pack of Bud Light and no no anyway . So my work out schedule hasn't been as well worked out as I wanted or planned. In fact I think it may be unhealthy. I am sure I nearly died a couple of times.I think us fat guys should be able to go to the gym,get on a treadmill at little to no speed watch the girl in front of us on the bike for 5 minutes, shower and out of there all that for 19.95 a month , Hell I'm in. I have considered the staple the stomach thing , Dr said not big enough. Others are not so sure. This is one time I didn't seek a second opinion. 59% yep that is percentage of obesity in America. You know what that says to me ? That we are the majority. Hell yea people rejoice. Fat in America, The F.I.A. if you will. Y'all are out numbered.Do not piss us off Pelosi. Soccer Moms beware. Fia packs a punch! uh, oh, lunch that is.We could have our own million pound march on Washington. Think of it. Sponsored by Coke, McDonalds,BK,Candy bar companies,Lays chips and snacks,Papa Johns,oh and Bud Light. Hang on I will be back made myself hungry. Ok back. But alas we are are our own worst enemy. We try to make ourselves feel better by making fun of other fat asses. Like this woman I saw at walmart omg her ass was huge.I am sure that when she sat on the toilet there was a more ass off the seat then on it, my cousin has really let herself go. Ha just joking. I think there may be a conspiricy ,I saw an old friend he was huge and walking out of the Pizza Hut Buffet. I said hey how are ya haven't seen you in awhile . He let me know that he was on disability because he was to big to work,he was there with his brother who is also on the program and was big as a house.Pissed me off there are people starving,and also waiting on thier own disability,but we give money to our fat people before our starving children. Seems ass backwards or back asswords don't it. Maybe while we are eating ourselves into oblivion(no spell chech shit),We should share the wealth! Hey that is a great diet plan. If you buy 6 milky ways and 2 chocolate milks and a super big gulp with the built in dolly, wait for it...donate 3 milky ways 1 chocolate milk and just pass on the big gulp and drop the change by someone who needs it. And don't even try to tell me you don't know someone that is hurting we all do. So listen lets pick up the pace, lets not be a burden lets be a blessing.Omg What have I done ? Now I have to take my snack back to the kitchen. Hell if we get this diet plan off the ground,I may even throw in some of the profit,well lets not get foolish ,really want that house over looking Grand Lake of the Cherokees. Hey y'all think about it, pass it on and when you drop that food or money to some folks who need it and your feeling good about yourself, tell them Willy sent ya!

Gym

I cannot go work out till after 11 pm , I work till 11 and so when I get there it is usually just me and cameras watching me. Keep in mind I have never had any gym membership. The last time I worked with weights was high school 20-25 ok 30 years ago. I walked into the gym and I have never seen these machines ,hell I was looking to see where the oil went. These things are complex as hell and scary looking to boot.So I figured that I could get on the bike no problem, yea right big problem. The seat hurts like hell.No way of comfort. If I am going to ride 5-10 miles it better be fit for the ride. It has ear phones but a seat made of man killing iron. When you get to an older age things drop a littler further than ya may expect.When I felt a breeze , I realized one of the boys had fell out. I reached down to pop him back in they both fell out the other side.The peddles have straps , you just can't stop on a dime, so your feet are stuck and you just go for the ride till it stops.My "boys" were out in the wind,I was trying to push em back in ,stuck to peddles every revolution causing severe pain crushing them between my leg and the bike seat. I attempted a dismount but hung in a peddle and was like a bronc rider or a bull rider stuck along for the ride. Thank gawd it thru me before it twisted my leg into a pretzle.
So I moved on to the next machine, the Treadmill, looked unalarming, seen people using them on t.v. Harmless ,,when I came too I was lying over near the bike.Last thing I remember I thought "this too slow" I guess holding down the button did me in. Apparently I flew several feet before rolling to a stop barely missing the weights. I learned that these machines have handles for a reason. I starting reading the directions too. I got upon the leg press fits down at your ankles hold handles and push up.I should have wiped off what sweat was on me.I ended up stuck between the press and the seat.According to the directions this was the incorrect way. It took me quite awhile to remove myself from this machine.My pulse rate was way up and according to the treadmill before it threw me I had burned calories,I guess thats what happens when a fat guys tries to run 100 miles an hour even for that short amount of time. I keep watching youtube praying my workout does not show up. I have since gotten better,I found wearing a jockstrap really helps and walk dont run on the treadmill till you become aquainted. The owners I am guessing caught my show and have given me a sheet of do's and dont's. I recently purchased the biggest loser exercise dvd. Don't try this on carpet,they should say this dont try on carpet. I did the splits,with 20 lbs of weight in my hands!The neighbors called the police claiming they heard a little girl scream bloody murder . Thank gawd they showed up,I would still be stuck in that awkward position and I didnt have my jock on. Yall be careful

Wetwilly

I want to hunt ghost too

I love watching all the ghost hunting shows.And I guess it is because that some of us at some time have encounterd something that we may not be able to explain,such as who took the last cookie ? What the hell happened to my keys and how did they end up there in the pants I wore last night? Spooky ain't it.I think that some of these ghost pop up because they are hungry, offer them something to eat dammit.If I pop up it isn't because I am pissed! it's because I want a sliced brisket sandwich for god sakes and a Bud Light. So believe me if I start hunting ghost, I won't provoke them,hell no I don't want one to jump out and cause me to have a bowel movement. You can get more with a kind word and a brownie, I bet ya ghost like brownies,or a chicken fried steak. Call in a pizza set at a table ask them to join in a conversation. Look I am not making fun of these shows I really do like them. Josh Gates with Destination Truth along with Ryder and the rest of the crew are great. Josh makes it all good with his good nature and he is out loud funny. I believe he will be the first to offer food . Soon after Ryder will tumble. Ghost Hunters,A couple of plumbers who hunt. I truly like the way the try to debunk all the whilst giving us a chill.Ghost Adventures is really great every friday. I feel they may have to have a season of hunting like those king crab hunters in alaska. 30 days to find ghost add it up as we go. My friend Tony had promiced that we will go ghost hunting in Austin on segways.Do they have a weight limit on them ? I hope the brownie don't take me over limit ? See now I am hungry Don't think there are any ghost in the kitchen though. Thats good don't want to share anyway. Happy all hallows eve, from ole wetwilly the ghost feeder.